Visions and Dreams

A dream I had last night. It's about a girl from the last school we performed "The Decision" in. This girl was the same girl that I had a prophetic vision for when we were at the school.


It was confusing. She told me to follow her and so i did through the slum and around buildings and through these strange hallways. And then she began to run and we came to a stop at the edge of a stream. She said this is not safe for a mzungu so she took mud from the water and rubbed it all over me and grabbed my hand and we went across the water and there was a wall with glass on the top....
and then she jumped and cut her hands but broke the glass so there was a safe place to climb. We got over the fence and there was a small house and she brought me inside. She told me i was not safe to be there and she hid me....

I was under the table in the corner of the room and I watched as her dad came in and beat her. I sat and cried. I did as i was instructed. And when he left she lay on the floor a broken bottle laying beside her. He was drunk for sure. I said to the girl come i will find you somewhere to stay without this pain. and She grabbed my hand crying, bleeding and bruised. and we opened the door and it was night when we went in. When we left it was so sunny and warm. and green and beautiful. I let her hand god for a second and her hands had no cuts on them anymore and i looked at her face and there were no bruises and she had a smile on her face. Then I woke up.

Struggles

The struggles of the day seem to have a weight on them this November. As I am constantly reminded of the fact that I have but few people to talk to. People that will actually listen instead of starting their own. I am realizing it so much more as today is the 1 year anniversary of me getting help and my mentor and teacher is nowhere to be found. His mistakes cost him his job. Everyone makes mistakes. I believe in the kingdom of god there is FORGIVENESS! Even for the worst of sins. I'm angry, angry because i feel like it's my fault that this happened. Worst of all Angry because i simply never told anyone and because I still can't tell people something that i shouldn't know.

I spent the day in Prayer(at work). I read through psalms I reread psalms 1-10 today. A friend of mine and I are reading through the psalms. I read and reread how GODS mercy endures forever. As I do I constantly preach at the top of my lungs when i'm sitting in my car. Sometimes I'm in a busy parking lot and I look up and people are looking at me strange. :D "what I was made to be the blackest white girl you ever saw."

Pornography Update: Free from porn 1 week. Free from internet sex(with my hunny) 3 hours. :(

God is Good and HIS mercy ENDURES FOREVER!

Strange.

I am not sure of how to feel about this Hannah Montana phone, that my dad bought me today. Actually I can make it my own phone so it doesn't have Hannah anywhere on it but I'm kinda lovin' it!

Things that happened this week have made me realize that God has HIS plans for us. We might have our own plans but it is best if we follow his. I always use this quote to a friend of mine. "If you don't fight, you won't win!" and Just like this quote if you fight the will of God in your life and plans, then you simply will not win that fight.

I don't know where I'm going with this....Nap time.

Waiting

I have a friend that i talk to everyday. She's smart and funny. She's an amazing woman of God. When an onlooker sees her they see beauty and strength. When I hear her speak about God i see a strong woman. However everyone has weakness. This girl has issues relating to her father. Her father is an abuser of power. He see's her as a weak nobody. OH if HE only knew the power this girl was given. His anger and jealousy cause him to yell and scream at her. She rocks back and forth in her room wondering when will the pain stop? She has 2 choices in my opinion. 1. let her dad bully her and eventually be so depressed that she kills either him or herself. 2. pray for HIM. The power of prayer is far greater than any depression or illness known to man. It reaches to the ear of God and is heard by him. Through the past 36 days she has prayed for her father daily. PROUD TO REPORT NOTHING HAS CHANGED IN HIS MOTHER!(for the good OR BAD) :D Even PROUDER TO REPORT EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED IN HER! :D Praise God! Her patience has reached a point of maturity. The way she speaks to people, she has grown more confident. I AM PROUD of HER!

She has taught me a load. How to love my daddy for who he is and enjoy the time i do get to spend with him even if it's just a few minutes everyday! More off, she has taught me that God is the best dad. I might have been the one telling her with my lips but because she needed to hear it God ministered to me also. I LOVE YOU DAD!

Love is forever

So I was at work today and this lady i work with is married to a Jamaican and they have a 2 year old together. He is so cute! :D It makes me excited for when i have kids. Which i constantly bring up with Jimmy. I really want kids. I was made to be a mother. I just need to get married to the LOVE of my life! He's amazing! Understanding to the max! When I'm having a bad day and need him to stay away, he always shows up! :D It makes me happy! Now all who read my blog, turns out that the lady we were expecting for 6 months, it turns out she's only paying us 15% of what was supposed to be paid. So keep this a secret because noone is supposed to know, although i did talk to my parents about this. Jimmy and I are currently looking for real estate to buy in Kenya. :D My good friend Natalia and I will be heading out that way in late April/early may. There's a high chance of us being married out there and me becoming a Kenyan Citizen. WOW! :D That's cool! I hope it happens. Keep us in your prayers!

Addiction

To talk about addiction you have to have been there. Addicted to something. I'm going to talk about my addiction. This addiction is the most difficult in todays society. It's almost normalized. The addiction of pornography. Most people don't think that watching porn more than 1 time per week is an addiction. Technically those people are right. However to keep it at one time per week will take a mass amount of strength and diligence. And while it's "not" an addiction it is still wrong as it says Matthew 5:28, "If a man even looks at a woman with lust he has already committed adultery." I'm sure the same goes for a woman looking at a man with lust. Here's where i fall in. Hi, My name is Lorna and I'm a pornography addict. I have lied, cheated and stolen to get what i want. I don't want that life anymore. I have been clean just 1 week. This week I found out what a pornography addiction can do to a family of believers. Not through my own addiction but through someone fairly close. She lost her job and her left her husband for a bit. Her job affected many people. It woke me up. I was unprepared for this loss of a job in her life and I decided I need to write about my addiction so that i am held accountable by you the viewers of my blog. I have since locked the internet on my ipod and do not know the pass code. The internet on my computer is closely watched by a very good friend of mine. Now in your daily prayers please say one for me. I don't want it to get so bad that i end up like my friend. She was so addicted, it took over. Keep her in your prayers as well.

Happens Everyday!

You were my best friend,

It's not like you to ignore me,

you promised to be there til the end,

you said you'd adore me.

Now I sit here waiting for you,

you were the greatest and the best,

who was it that told you to hate me, who?

I wait here for you to text and you've been put to the test.

If you don't reply a simple, "i miss you too!"

Then i will have to terminate your number,

until you get around to it and you be you,

Am I really that hard to remember?

end abortion

I sit here at work with a simple prayer on my heart today " God we plead the blood over our sins and the sins of our nation. End abortion and send revival to Canada now!" a woman walks in and asks me why I'm wearing a sign that says "LIFE" I tell her "it's for the unborn!" she looks at me with respect and says good for you! Another man passes and frowns at me. I nod at him and he dismisses himself with a shrug. The abortion statistics make my heart sick! May abortion truly end with my generation.

lest forgotten

To think about being at work makes some people feel bitter and tired before they even get there. Today we celebrate the lives of those who gave their whole world up to ensure that our kids and our grand kids would be able to work. Safe. In today's society many people remember to get a poppy but I wonder has the poppy lost it's meaning along the way? Today at 11 we observed a minute of silence at the mall. They announced it over the loudspeaker. I watched silently as people walked by talking loudly to each other. I watched as respect for the fallen dissipated and people wearing poppies forgot why they wore them. I wonder do you remember why you wear a poppy? Is it a fashion statement? Or as you walk to your vehicle do you remember why you're not dead before you get there? Or as you're on your computer do you remember how you're able to read this in peace? Do you?do you remember?

bloggin ipods

I am sitting here typing with one finger. I'm thinking today about love. Why does love cause division? Shouldn't love unite people? In theory I believe it! In reality this idea is false! Love only tears relationships limb from limb! Some people are especially blessed to have a mentor in their live that completely disowns them! This mentor might even call them a prodigal daughter or son! A few leaders might comment on the race of the couple. They will say it is a hard relationship. They will be right but only because them and others not supporting this love. There will be a sweet little old lady a walmart greeter. She will tell this couple that their love is beautiful! She will support them in their decision to be in love! Their parents won't agree with it at first but they'll see how happy he makes her and end up in support! This couple will have to put fire after fire! They will know how and they will stay true to God! Their battle is not against flesh and blood but against all forces of evil! They will say to these people, " we're only us when we're together! We were made for eachother! So stick it if you're going to oppose!" This couple are like "yes" and " no" you can't have one without the other!